In a recent session with a client, we focused on developing strategies to cope with “flares” or “triggers” that can often lead to emotional paralysis and a subsequent descent into despair. These triggers can range from financial difficulties to challenges in parenting, or even from not having our sensory and safety needs addressed. Building on the principles of self-compassion put forth by Dr. Kristin Neff, Dr. Russell Kolts, and, to an extent, Dr. Brené Brown, we devised steps that serve as a roadmap for dealing with tough situations.

The steps are:

Acknowledge the Suffering: Recognize and validate your feelings and emotions without judgment.

Attend to Emotional Pain: Stay present with your emotional pain, steering clear of gaslighting, and avoiding the immediate impulse to “fix” the situation or to push it aside.

Problem Solve with Awareness: Address challenges with a mindful approach. Keep in mind that you can always return to steps 1 and 2 whenever needed.

Reflect on the Process: Celebrate and recognize positive changes, no matter their size.

These steps are both adaptive and flexible, which makes them a versatile tool. However, I’d like to caution against skipping any part of these steps or bypassing entire steps. They serve dual purposes: they provide a structured pattern that has been proven effective, and they facilitate deep emotional healing and processing.

I hope that you find these steps helpful in your own journey with embracing self-compassion.